depression...

I've been having a few problems lately so popped over to webMD.. I can cause myself so very much trouble over there.. but, at the same time, it has helped me in the past, so I went again. I've been having minor memory lapses and trouble sleeping and been a bit more clumsy then usual and all and, due to some things I'd been reading and seeing on TV, I was starting to worry I might have some sort of neurological problem..
Scary thought, but, given my family history, not entirely out of the question.. So I wanted to see what they might have to say before I started calling doctors in a panic :)
Based on what I plinked out in the symptom checker, and eliminating the obviously non applicable.. the 2 that stood out as likely candidates were MS (also a real concern, my mom has it, so that could raise my odds..) or Depression.....
Depression is such a big scary word anymore, but one I'd been down before a time or two so I was happy to see it there, and, really, it makes sense. I'm finally getting the chance right now to process all of everything that went on last year. All that stress and fear has finally been released and is screwing with me now. All the fears and stress of Tom's separation during his deployment, even though it was to a "safe" zone. All the stress of having to deal with the reoccurring basement floods, the busted water heater, the broken septic line. The worry over how to pay for everything that kept going wrong. All the stress and fear over all my own health problems last year. The realization that I kept putting off and blocking out, that yes, I really could have died last year if we hadn't caught everything when we did, and even then, it was a close call. Even the happy stress of his homecoming, and the kids coming for Christmas, and the older kids moving home and bringing the grand baby.. All of it has taken a toll and it got put on lay a way.. but now it has all come due and is hitting me like a ton of bricks.
It will pass. Now that I am once again reassured by WebMD that it is most likely just depression and not the end of the world (though if things don't improve in the next month, there may still be panicked calls to doctors..). As mentioned, I've been through this before.. Way back when in college, I had a really bad year. I'd been under a good deal of stress anyway, and then people started dying. A cousin was killed in a car accident, 2 friends each lost their mothers, several other more distant relatives passed away, and one of our dogs died. At some point I just got to where I couldn't deal with it anymore and had to take some time off from school. I tried antidepressants at that time, and really decided that they didn't work for me. I didn't feel any better, I just felt numb. So I didn't take them. I just went on. I worked through the grief, through the pain, and learned how to move on.
I'm better at that now. It may be hard at times, but I will manage, always do :) The fact that my mind has decided that now is the time I can handle this process means that life is pretty much back to what passes for normal around here.