May sucks

May has not been a fun month. I decided to go back on gluten so I could do some preliminary blood testing. Almost immediately I started getting sick again. I have felt so miserable the last 2 weeks. Last weekend we went and signed up at the gym, too. This will be a good thing, but right now I feel so terrible I can't do much and what I can do makes me feel nearly dead. I have been so very very tired and sore and, quite honestly, moody. I'm back to bottomed out where I have to plan everything I do and any little surprise can completely ruin my day and my mood. I hate it. This is not me and I was so much better for the 3 months I was off gluten. I already decided that, regardless of what they blood test says (which might not be entirely accurate anyway since I've been off it for 3 months and only back on for a few weeks..) I will be going 100% gluten free forever more.
Then, 2 weeks ago I got an email from my mother. She had gone in for her annual mammogram and they found a "shadow" and wanted to do a biopsy. That was done and they sent her right off to a specialist and she is now scheduled for surgery to remove the tumor and test lymph nodes, etc to make sure the cancer hasn't spread. We are all hoping that this was caught early enough that the surgery (and then about a month later she will start radiation for a few weeks) will catch it all and we can be done with this... I worry, however, as I know she's already got autoimmune problems because of her MS.
Anyway. So I'm stressed out and feeling horrible and I decided I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm done with gluten. (Ok, will be officially done tomorrow since I've already planned tomorrow's dinner and would be difficult to convert at this point..) So this afternoon I took the test. (It was an at home self test from a company in Canada. I had to import it via my mom in Idaho because for some reason, Canada doesn't want to ship to Alaska...) It is suppose to be fairly accurate, but, you have to have been on a "normal" gluten-filled diet, and having been off gluten for 3 months and only back on for a few weeks, I might not have built up enough anti-bodies yet. I had planned to be on for 3 weeks, but I really just couldn't take it anymore.. I tested negative for celiacs. But that doesn't mean I don't have it. There are various levels of reaction and I might not be damaged enough yet to actually be positive. (It is, sadly, one of those illnesses that many doctor's don't acknowledge until serious permanent damage is done to your intestines, and sometimes not even then..) Anyway, I know I have some level of gluten syndrome. The HUGE massive difference in my health, energy levels, emotional stability, etc between when I'm on gluten and when I'm off of it.. it really is amazing. I'm sure that if I left things alone and kept eating gluten I'd eventually get damaged enough to be considered fully celiac, but, seriously, why should I have to?
Doctors don't tell people to keep eating sugar and we won't treat you or ask you to change your diet until you're diabetic, why should celiacs be any different?
Just making the decision to stop the gluten test has lifted my spirits and improved my mood. I've had too many dizzy spells, too much weakness, too many aches and pains everything else. I am so looking forward to feeling better again.
And hopefully my mom will get good news next week, too.